professionally running red lights

Since I gave up on liking where I lived when I was 14, and I try to vacation away from it as much as possible, this weekend I took a journey to Orlando, also try Whorelando, with my Red-headed hot mess cousin who thankfully eats just as much, and has the same table manners that I do. We stayed in a house of cheerleaders which was the first red flag that I was not going to have much interest in any of the weekends events or conversations. My predictions were correct, all the barbecuing, talks about ab workouts and cage dancing didn't really catch my fancy, so I spent most of my time napping, doing things on my iPhone, or playing with a tiny dog named Charli that i almost took home in my purse. After a weekend of feeling ugly and bored I almost couldn't wait to get home and get ready for The Mr. and Miss Atlantic Pageant, or what I refer to as Toddlers in Tiaras on steroids. The answer to your prayers is yes, I am competing in the competition, and no I have no expectation on winning. In all the serious, I am really just there to lighten up the mood. I have never been a pageant girl, but I apparently knew how to walk and stand correctly at our first and only rehearsal. I obviously learned all I know from watching True Life: I'm a pageant queen and duh, Toddlers in Tiaras. Can't wait to crown the winner of this most likely rigged contest!

pancreas

Driving down the streets of a town you've lived in since you were two and thinking to yourself that people actually like it there somehow amazes me. Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day, I met up with the Dad's side of the fam at a bar, and ridiculed a hot mess of people with our neighbor. My particular favorite was a pudgy muffin with a garter around her head and a dress that would have fit an eighth grader trying to pet a puppy while showing off all of the cellulite on her ass. Today was a very productive day, I drank an entire large thermos of coffee and finished "Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea?". I then wrote a biography on myself which I was completely serious about.. As my caffeine high was still going strong, and still is, I picked up some freshly monogrammed purses for Babs (my mother, who hates being called Babs, Love you dink!) and I and then successfully managed to spill the remains of my morning carnation instant breakfast all on my drivers side back door of my car. As if my car needed to be any dirtier, it's not only brown (though it's a silver car) it still has the remains of crusty barf on the back window from my hot mess of a cousin/best friend two days after new years, so the breakfast only added to the filth. The rest of my day should consist of me inhaling some kind of sandwich as fast as a pterodactyl eating a bunny, taking my mommy-mobile to the $5 carwash, and some kind of preparation for the days ahead. ciao!

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I love when people you don't really talk to tell you you're gorgeous.

Today as I walked through the halls of my school, which I thankfully do not have to be at for much longer, someone told me i was gorgeous, and it made my day. it's so funny how the simplest comment can turn someones entire mood and outlook around. I decided today to delete all my previous blog posts and start writing happier, more insightful ones. This one isn't much but it's a thought. <3