pancreas

Driving down the streets of a town you've lived in since you were two and thinking to yourself that people actually like it there somehow amazes me. Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day, I met up with the Dad's side of the fam at a bar, and ridiculed a hot mess of people with our neighbor. My particular favorite was a pudgy muffin with a garter around her head and a dress that would have fit an eighth grader trying to pet a puppy while showing off all of the cellulite on her ass. Today was a very productive day, I drank an entire large thermos of coffee and finished "Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea?". I then wrote a biography on myself which I was completely serious about.. As my caffeine high was still going strong, and still is, I picked up some freshly monogrammed purses for Babs (my mother, who hates being called Babs, Love you dink!) and I and then successfully managed to spill the remains of my morning carnation instant breakfast all on my drivers side back door of my car. As if my car needed to be any dirtier, it's not only brown (though it's a silver car) it still has the remains of crusty barf on the back window from my hot mess of a cousin/best friend two days after new years, so the breakfast only added to the filth. The rest of my day should consist of me inhaling some kind of sandwich as fast as a pterodactyl eating a bunny, taking my mommy-mobile to the $5 carwash, and some kind of preparation for the days ahead. ciao!