professionally running red lights

Since I gave up on liking where I lived when I was 14, and I try to vacation away from it as much as possible, this weekend I took a journey to Orlando, also try Whorelando, with my Red-headed hot mess cousin who thankfully eats just as much, and has the same table manners that I do. We stayed in a house of cheerleaders which was the first red flag that I was not going to have much interest in any of the weekends events or conversations. My predictions were correct, all the barbecuing, talks about ab workouts and cage dancing didn't really catch my fancy, so I spent most of my time napping, doing things on my iPhone, or playing with a tiny dog named Charli that i almost took home in my purse. After a weekend of feeling ugly and bored I almost couldn't wait to get home and get ready for The Mr. and Miss Atlantic Pageant, or what I refer to as Toddlers in Tiaras on steroids. The answer to your prayers is yes, I am competing in the competition, and no I have no expectation on winning. In all the serious, I am really just there to lighten up the mood. I have never been a pageant girl, but I apparently knew how to walk and stand correctly at our first and only rehearsal. I obviously learned all I know from watching True Life: I'm a pageant queen and duh, Toddlers in Tiaras. Can't wait to crown the winner of this most likely rigged contest!